But hey, you win some, you lose some.
Of course, what I'm really interested in right now is whether or not the rain's ever going to stop- if 'The Secret' will help me get into the TARDIS, and what those luuuuurvely salmon steaks are going to taste like. I am living 'Carpe Diem'. I'm seizing the day. Exams are completely out of my mind. I'm so unstressed I could write a book on how unstressed I am and de-stress the nation, I could end the war in Iraq and stop the oil leak, because everyone would just chill as a result of my awesomely relaxed, non-stressed/panic vibes.
Yeah, I haven't convinced myself that yet either.
Positive thinking is the way forward though- I'm sure of it. It hasn't worked yet, but I remain optimistic I'll wake up tomorrow and the world will be a better place. I'll just keep telling myself that.
In the meantime, I'm wondering if paracetamol is going to help me sleep, get rid of my headache, and stop me incessantly clicking my pen long enough to let me write this in a way that makes some sort of sense.
It's funny how wound up you can get. I mean really, I've only got three subjects to revise for, and, if I say so myself, I'm relatively strong in all three. I shouldn't be stressing this much. But I am, so I've decided to retreat into philosophy. Actually, that's not true. I've decided to retreat, on a frighteningly more frequent basis, into fantasy.
It's also curious how we have to dream. Honestly, I'm not sure you could be genuinely human if you didn't dream. How could we not? Ambitious, eccentric, erratic beings that we are, with a superiority complex to match those of the angry deities we create for ourselves- from getting a new washing machine to riding a dragon, people have got to dream. We've got to create something better, wilder, brighter, stranger- something that encapsulates our secret hopes, our burning passions and honest loves. Human beings have got so much to offer, even if we only ever achieve it in dream.
I mean, take me. In my daydreams I climb Mount Everest, eat strawberries and cream for breakfast every day, sail the 'seven seas', have a chat with Shakespeare and bring along a few of my fave authors, and at some point write a book. Every one a pinnacle of achievement in which I don't lift a finger. Now there's true triumph for you.
I can go to the stars, and meet alien races, see nebulae up close and visit planets teeming with life to discover. I can find fay at the bottom of the garden, appease spirits and learn magic, find dragons and dig up treasure. I can do everything in the world I create in the moment I close my eyes, or 'momentarily' give up on the French past perfect and just wonder, What if?
The world we live in is a beautiful place. Enormous, glorious, spectacular. An entirely eclectic collection of the bright and beautiful, the great and small, and whether or not you believe in some kind of higher power- you've got to admit that next to life it's our greatest gift. But that doesn't mean that we can't take it, mash it together, and see something more in the golden light of the sun, pooling like spun silk on the surface of a sapphire sea...
It doesn't mean we can't somehow find a way to hope for the best, against all odds, and see a place, or a person, or a world, where there is greener grass to be found. And it's our imperfection, our madly fantastical mix of thoughts and feelings and loves and hates that let us see it. We hope and dream of a better world, because we know it's the price we paid to get this one and love it just as much.
Maybe in that better world I wouldn't have to revise, or stress, or pack or be a hormone loaded teenager.
But let's be honest, that's not going to happen, and if I lived in that world, I might not get chocolate shreddies, and that really wouldn't do.
