Sadly- I've forsaken this. I'm afraid the temptation of my duvet overcame my cat like love of milk in my breakfast- and now its fallen to the bottom of the priority list. This all came together when, after several attempts at trying to wake me- with light, hairdryers and strawberry laces (or so I'm told) my roommate proclaimed my likeness to a brick and gave up. Blearily, half an hour later I rolled out of my bed's embrace, and realised I had five minutes to get ready. Not good. What was worse was realising that it was Thursday, not Wednesday. No- this did not happen straightaway- in fact, it took a double lesson of french grammar stabbing superlatives into my sleep muddled mind for me to catch the glare my teacher was giving me. Because I missed my mandarin lesson. Because I thought it was Wednesday. Ever been glared at by a french professor? Because honestly- that particular breed of educator has honed it to an art. Still- it made me wonder, had I been having my regular installment of some cardboard wrapped wonder, I would have paid attention to the day of the week. That way I would've known when I would be able to get some more. Maybe- this whole missing breakfast thing was even worse than I'd first imagined.
Then I remembered that I rarely knew the day of the week, and promptly forgot. Even if I'd had any further doubts, in the chapel that morning our chaplain proudly announced we had a new angel in school, and everything was alright again. Cue doubletake. I mean- everything was a bit new- but angels? Was that going to be part of the establishment confessed oddity of routine? Within seconds my gaze was drawn, with the dozens around me- as if by a collective magnet, to the back of the chapel where the chaplain was pointing proudly. I felt my heart sink. A somewhat 'abstract' angel- which was less conceptual or philosophical than a traditional angel shape made in white painted squares of balsa wood, hung at a precarious angle from the whitewashed wall. Well- so much for heavenly host- it was more discount at B&Q. I mean, I know Angels/Christianity should be to do with humility, building up wealth in heaven rather than on earth- but this looked like something taken from a scrapyard, lacking even that rough redeeming charm.
As the week went on- my disappointment began to change into something else, and it all started with time wasting.
We had a talk- as promising adolescents, on how to spend time doing the right things to get into ever more competitive universities. We were told not to worry- our social life would not be sacrificed, but our freedom would. Or rather our free periods should be spent under the college's academic watch. Having just read 1984- this thought already gave me an irrational shudder, and when the biology teacher went on to combine the elements of a timetable with molluscs (no I still don't comprehend how) this transformed to full on horror. Organising my time? Knowing the day of the week?! Giving up my free period chocolate??? Horror of horrors- let it not be so. But all this came afterwards, and even now only lingers at the surface of my consciousness- mixed up with merlin, myth, strawberry laces and straps, and chocolate. All things important- but then, underneath it all- the honest stuff. The stuff that you know makes you who and what you are- be it a chemical cocktail, a bias of external opinions, or something some people would call a soul.
There was one thing that the biology teacher said that really stuck with me. 'Let your time be spent, not wasted.' A bit cliched yes- but ponder it a second whilst I go on a relevant tangent. Angels, according to Saint Thomas Aquinas- are semi-contingent. They have a beginning, but no end, they are immortal. For an angel- maybe even for our odd little balsa fellow, time should be spent wisely. It is, one would suppose, the reason for their existence.
On the other hand, returning to the point post haste- can human beings waste time? Please don't point out the obvious, 'if you have an exam/commitment/job/time to wake up you can't spend time chilling/eating/ sleeping- or my personal favorite, 'whatever it is you lot do these days'.
Really- our days are numbered, fair enough. Our experience throughout this life is limited- every choice we make closes as many doors as it opens. But when we get to those last few seconds, afterlife or not- surely our lives have been worth every second? Surely then we can realise that? Because no passing fad- be that a job or an education (ha! such useless things) can define our perception of the times of our lives. We have lived them- and surely that's the key. That in each of those seconds- be they spent in sleep, study, invention or indulgence- we have spent them. We have breathed the air around us, our hearts have beat to the dance of our emotions- we have seen, not seen- felt, not felt- experienced life and time and the earth around us. In that sense, though time may be used wastefully, it is never wasted- always spent as we progress through our lives, and let every moment- consciously or not, shape who we are.
There's no need to worry about the loss of cereal epiphanies or vengeful french teachers with chinese as a side- no need to panic about which day you've reached. You reached it- you lived it- you spent the time as yourself. Let the angels worry about wasting time. They're far less likely to slip up.
