Eccentricity...

Is just another brand of insanity, I discovered shortly after arriving in English country paradise. And since this is the case, it means my entire family, on my mother's side at least, is completely and utterly mad. But I doubt you're surprised by that.

It's a bit like being in an incredibly funny, completely random tv show- like, 'This is your life'- jumbled up and put on random on some kind of defunct VCR. One second we're talking about my Aunt's collection of Hong Kong Phooey memorabilia(two pairs of socks, one pair of boxers and a lunchbox) , and the next it's whether or not Atlantis exists (a favourite topic of my Mum's Dad). When his cousins come to stay, we discuss the chances of finding life or beneficial minerals on Mars, in juxtaposition with how useful it is to be able to wear the same outfit you wore to Buckingham Palace to collect your MBE at the wedding you have to go to. And to be honest- lets not even get started on Cryptic crosswords, bonsais or french cooking- trust me, it would twist your mind. In a sort of good but mainly confused and completely and utterly eclectically chaotic way. I'm still lost halfway between bikes in Paris and my Granddad's collection of vinyl cd's.

Honestly- I'm not sure if they'll let me publish my autobiography. I suppose the only way I could retain a claim to my clinical sanity would be a single chapter on my Mum's side.

This is roughly what it would say:

MAD- in a good way

It'll be the shortest block of text I've ever written- because frankly if I started on this brilliant, mental lot- the last Harry Potter book would be light reading.

So here's a question- if my 'growth' is one part nature and one part nurture, why aren't I yet as nuts as they are?

I mean, clearly, I'm a very straightforward, sensible person.................right?

Ok, so I wouldn't fit into any one's idea of ordinary (except maybe Roald Dahl?) but then, would a single person on this planet? The way I see it- anyone who's completely normal is probably very very weird indeed.

Anyway, back to the point. Maybe it's because I've had a bit of a random upbringing. I mean, do 4 deserts, three mountain ranges, most of Asia, some of Europe, several rain-forests, several jungles, a small collection of waterfalls, islands various and a glacier count as a regular setting for a child to grow up? Nah- didn't think so. And then of course you've got the people: the poet laureate, a man with the initals BA, another who's just called H (he's a funny guy- his true name's being kept hidden by an upside down version of MI5, and no, that isn't WIS) and, most excitingly of all (for me at least) the guy in charge of Lindt chocolate!!!!

I wouldn't call 'em your average joe, but as I said, I've never met an 'average joe', if I did, it'd be pretty creepy (see above).

But I am so grateful, so, eternally, hugely grateful for every person I've ever met- for every place I've ever been- every random moment, embarrassing situation, witty flooring comment- and every single, breathtaking, awe inspiring place- from pink salt lakes to monsoon rain on an island outside Borneo.

Recently, I moved, and a few people I know are going through...changes, on varying levels- and for them, and myself I suppose, I just want to say this.

There is no such thing as the past, and no such thing as the future- we live on the very edge of reality every second we're alive, every second we exist. But if we could ever revive the past, and look back at what brought us here, it might be mad- and heartbreaking, or laughable and pretty ordinary. But I can absolutely promise you this- there will be a moment, a second, a smile- hundreds of them, and they'll be beautiful.

PLEASE HELP NOW

It's possible that in AGADIR ON THE 21ST JUNE THE WHALING BAN WILL BE LIFTED IF WE DON'T STOP IT. An endangered species- and the US government among others is even CONSIDERING allowing this pointless, brutal murder to be legal once more. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch the video, sign the protest and pass it on- we're sentient beings, we don't have a right to just kill things till there are none left- we have responsibility- we're the ones who can be selfish and hateful and cruel. Don't be like that. WATCH THE VIDEO AND SIGN THE PETITION http://www.youtube.com/wdcsuk THEN PASS IT ON, PLEASE BY 21ST JUNE. STOP THIS MINDLESS CRUELTY!!

An epiphany over tea and french

The great thing about revision is that it really makes you appreciate the little things. Like...how soft your duvet is, the way the curtains shut out the light, the pure splendor of birdsong, how tasty your cereal is, what genius created the kettle....And as you stand there, making your third cup of tea at 12.00pm, in your pyjamas, musing on the glory of the little things, you start to contemplate how great it would be for your teachers if a world existed where you could make yourself revise and not get distracted by what's on the music channel right now.

But hey, you win some, you lose some.

Of course, what I'm really interested in right now is whether or not the rain's ever going to stop- if 'The Secret' will help me get into the TARDIS, and what those luuuuurvely salmon steaks are going to taste like. I am living 'Carpe Diem'. I'm seizing the day. Exams are completely out of my mind. I'm so unstressed I could write a book on how unstressed I am and de-stress the nation, I could end the war in Iraq and stop the oil leak, because everyone would just chill as a result of my awesomely relaxed, non-stressed/panic vibes.

Yeah, I haven't convinced myself that yet either.

Positive thinking is the way forward though- I'm sure of it. It hasn't worked yet, but I remain optimistic I'll wake up tomorrow and the world will be a better place. I'll just keep telling myself that.

In the meantime, I'm wondering if paracetamol is going to help me sleep, get rid of my headache, and stop me incessantly clicking my pen long enough to let me write this in a way that makes some sort of sense.

It's funny how wound up you can get. I mean really, I've only got three subjects to revise for, and, if I say so myself, I'm relatively strong in all three. I shouldn't be stressing this much. But I am, so I've decided to retreat into philosophy. Actually, that's not true. I've decided to retreat, on a frighteningly more frequent basis, into fantasy.

It's also curious how we have to dream. Honestly, I'm not sure you could be genuinely human if you didn't dream. How could we not? Ambitious, eccentric, erratic beings that we are, with a superiority complex to match those of the angry deities we create for ourselves- from getting a new washing machine to riding a dragon, people have got to dream. We've got to create something better, wilder, brighter, stranger- something that encapsulates our secret hopes, our burning passions and honest loves. Human beings have got so much to offer, even if we only ever achieve it in dream.

I mean, take me. In my daydreams I climb Mount Everest, eat strawberries and cream for breakfast every day, sail the 'seven seas', have a chat with Shakespeare and bring along a few of my fave authors, and at some point write a book. Every one a pinnacle of achievement in which I don't lift a finger. Now there's true triumph for you.

I can go to the stars, and meet alien races, see nebulae up close and visit planets teeming with life to discover. I can find fay at the bottom of the garden, appease spirits and learn magic, find dragons and dig up treasure. I can do everything in the world I create in the moment I close my eyes, or 'momentarily' give up on the French past perfect and just wonder, What if?

The world we live in is a beautiful place. Enormous, glorious, spectacular. An entirely eclectic collection of the bright and beautiful, the great and small, and whether or not you believe in some kind of higher power- you've got to admit that next to life it's our greatest gift. But that doesn't mean that we can't take it, mash it together, and see something more in the golden light of the sun, pooling like spun silk on the surface of a sapphire sea...

It doesn't mean we can't somehow find a way to hope for the best, against all odds, and see a place, or a person, or a world, where there is greener grass to be found. And it's our imperfection, our madly fantastical mix of thoughts and feelings and loves and hates that let us see it. We hope and dream of a better world, because we know it's the price we paid to get this one and love it just as much.

Maybe in that better world I wouldn't have to revise, or stress, or pack or be a hormone loaded teenager.

But let's be honest, that's not going to happen, and if I lived in that world, I might not get chocolate shreddies, and that really wouldn't do.